I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
