She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
