yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
