If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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