We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
