Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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