Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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