i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
