Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
