who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.