I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.