You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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