it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!