I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage