Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK