3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex