Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
