he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Your cock deserves a montage
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
