I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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