new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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