I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
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Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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