I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
