I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
