Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
