at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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