And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
