Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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