based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
