so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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