i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
