Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
