I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
