I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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