I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
