I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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