Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
