Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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