I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
