turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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