No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
