I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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