i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
