Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
