Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
