If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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