you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything