Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.