Sry I called you an 8
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming