I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
