I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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