Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
