dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I smell stomach acid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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