I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
don't judge my taste in strippers
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
