hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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