yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We are two peas in an std pod
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
