so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
