his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
