You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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