Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
