Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I forget how to act sober
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
