I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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