HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's always time for handjobs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
