I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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