I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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