Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
