yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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