Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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