So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
