the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
