lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
