After last night, I could never be a politician.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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