Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Randomize
