so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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