somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She's the barista slut.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
